Principle+3

=Principle 3: Consequences with Empathy=


 * Pain must come before change occurs, which comes in two ways:**

Make a decision to change whatever caused the pain ||
 * = === **PAIN** === ||
 * =  ||= From the outside in ||= From the inside out ||
 * = Induced from ||= yelling, embarrassing, imposing various restrictions ||= self (conscience) ||
 * = Student feels ||= hurt ||= remorse ||
 * = Student reaction ||= 'flight or flight', can overt to yelling back at the teacher, vandalizing the building, becoming extremely passive or avoiding class ||= Wait until the pain goes away -or-
 * = Student feels fault belongs to ||= someone else (parent, teacher, peer, etc.) ||= self ||
 * = Result ||= punishment ||= consequence ||
 * Best way to quit hurting: make a decision to change behavior. Process:**
 * 1) Realize there is a problem
 * 2) Identify whose problem it is: People often get suckered into working on someone else's problem, like the parents of a student with low grades or a teacher whose class act up for a sub
 * 3) Show empathy: Impossible to transfer blame to someone who legitimately feels sad for you
 * 4) Offer a positive relationship message: may be negative content, but helps the person at fault feel more anxious to get it solved

// *Kids will respond positively to a penalty when they see a logical connection between their behavior and what happens to them as a result of that behavior. //

There will always be students who will refuse to come up with a consequence, list only those consequences that are totally inadequate, or not be able to come up with any at all. At these times, we as teachers need to make some decisions about what consequences are going to be administered.
 * Guidelines for administering consequences:**
 * 1) Make the consequence as close to the time and place of the infraction as possible.
 * 2) Give the child the opportunity to be involved in the solution/decision making: If student can/will not come up with a suggestion, develop a menu of items with the student.
 * 3) Administer consequences with calm interest.
 * 4) Give students the opportunity to develop a new plan of behavior.
 * 5) Let students make their own value judgments.
 * 6) Demonstrate problem-solving techniques (modeling)
 * 7) Allow students to feel empowered: They need to be left with a feeling of positive self-control, rather than that power has been imposed on them by an adult.

//*Empathy enhances the power of consequences--that is, a legitimate feeling of understanding for another person's circumstances.//

Punishment vs. Discipline (From page 170) ||
 * = ===**LOVE AND LOGIC TIP #11**===
 * =  ||= Punishment ||= Discipline ||
 * = Purpose ||= Punish the child's past behavior ||= Shape the child's future decisions ||
 * = Techniques ||= Isolation, time-out, withdrawal of privilege ||= Isolation, time-out, withdrawal of privilege ||
 * = Emotions ||= Tension, frustration, rage, raised voices ||= Disappointment, love and concern ||
 * = Results ||= Child feels angry, out of control; feels loss of self-esteem; focuses on revenge, regaining control ||= Child feels adult's disappointment, concern; can focus on second-chance opportunities ||
 * = We punish a child for past choices; we discipline to shape future ones ||

**PEARL:**
**No behavior technique will have a lasting positive result if it is not delivered with compassion, empathy, or understanding.**